Not as lively as I used to be. I'm really down at the moment. I'm not sure why.

Yeah, I know things are about a gagillion times better than they used to be a few months ago, but I'm just not in the best of moods. Mom's being a bitch, I'm being a bitch, my brother's being a bitch (and an emo); I guess we're all in the same boat now.

I know I should be happy that tomorrow is Halloween--the day that we all go out to demand candy to complete strangers and later gourge ourselves on the many tasty treats we received--but I don't even think that'll cheer me up. The area that I live in isn't the best for tricker-treating (no one freakin' LIVES here), so that's out of the question. And if that's also the case, then I guess passing out candy would be pointless because, well, why would any little kid come all the way out here??

Another thing about Halloween, though, is the fact that I'm not as excited as I used to be. When I was little, Halloween was like a second Christmas to me. I could barely sleep the night before and I couldn't possibly contain myself the whole day to wait until I started to get my costume ready and go out. Now it's more of a "weather conversation" type of thing. I don't think I enjoy things like I used to. I'm always cooped up in my closet with my computer either doing my homework, aimlessly surfing the web, or avoiding my family (specifically my relatives who moved here a couple months ago). I feel like I've become detached from them, like I'm sleep walking while I'm awake when I'm at home, and whenever someone gets mad at me or makes a comment about me, I lose my mind and snap.

And I mentioned homework. School has been at its worst; the worst I've ever had. My grades are fine, all A's, but my stress-tolerance is about to reach its limit right now. When it's not a big report that I procrastinated on, it's an art project that I'm not finished with or a chapter test that I didn't study for. High school is too much for me and I feel like I'm gonna fall off at any moment or pop from the pressure.

I just don't know what to do.

My inspiration at the moment is at 0 as well. I'm getting a few ideas here and there (and I remember to write them down), but whenever I actually sit down to write or draw them out, I immediately stop because I think it's worth crap and just go back to doodling. No need to thank me though; Moo decided to ditch me when I really needed her, so now I've got an empty Inspiration Box ontop of a sinking mind. Just my luck.

This is only the tip of the iceburg of what I'm feeling right now. I've never been really good with filtering emotions into words (which is just fabulous considering the fact that I want to be an author), so I don't think I'd be able to explain to you guys in the clearest terms for you to understand.

And I don't really care if someone bothered to read this. Call me emo if you want, too. I don't care. I'm not really in the mood right now.

I guess you could say that I'm also selfish, because my dear friend ~01darke is having an even worse time right now.

If you guys could spare the time, drop her a line and give her a few words of comfort; she needs it more than I do.

I'm only typing this 'cuz I need to get it off my chest, though the weight will still be there. I'll try and get Moo off her lazy butt and draw something for Halloween for y'all, if I ever get around to it with all this stupid homework in the way.

Bonus, meus amicitia

~RyceBowl